When Hikaru and Kaoru Drink Coffee
by Shinobi Saru Corp
Summary: Kaoru likes cake, Hikaru wears glasses, Kyoya is the younger, Hunny is the older.


Written by Tora

* * *

It was a normal day at the Host Club. Well, relatively normal day at the Host Club.

But I've learned to expect the worst when working here.

I actually wasn't entertaining the girls at the moment. It was Hikaru and Kaoru's birthday today, so they requested that they entertain all the girls today.

Tamaki pulled me aside and said, "Haruhi, what if Kaoru and Hikaru make my fans upset?"

"What?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

Tamaki began to nervously chew on his nails. "Haru! I can't stand it! I must have my fans back!"

It finally struck me what Tamaki was talking about. Before I could stop him, Tamaki ran up to where Hikaru and Kaoru were. Hikaru and Kaoru were in a sea of girls. "Just kidding!" Tamaki shouted.

"Milord, what are you doing?" Hikaru said in annoyance.

"It's not their birthday! It was a joke! Heh, heh! Their birthday is April 1st right?!" Tamaki said. "Please go back to your regular host member!"

Kaoru crossed his arms and looked at Hikaru disbelievingly. "Not our birthday?"

"Don't you think we'd know our birthday best, Tama?" Hikaru asked pleasantly.

A regular costumer of Tamaki's said, "That is true. They probably know their birthdays best of all."

Kyoya popped up from nowhere and said, "Not to mention it's on the school records. If it makes you feel better, I can look it up on the spot."

The regular costumer of Tamaki's said soothingly to Tamaki, "Don't worry, Tamaki-senpai! I don't mind being entertained by the twins today!"

There was a mysterious golden flash and all the sudden Tamaki was in the corner sulking and weeping and squealing quietly, "She doesn't like me…! Mama!"

I rubbed the brim of my nose… good grief, Tamaki-senpai… must we do this _every_ time you don't get your way?

All the sudden, the host room became dark and cold. All the girls began to shriek and wail. The room's thick expensive curtains closed on their own. The room was very dark.

"Now please stay calm, ladies," Kyoya said calmly.

"Haru-chan!" Hunny said, running up to me and clinging to me.

I tried prying the sticky handed boy away. "Uh, Mori? A little help?" Hunny was now managing to climb all over me with his sticky cake hands.

Within a fraction of a second, dark man had hoisted me up into the air onto his shoulders. "That's not what I meant, Mori! I just asked for a little help!" I said in dismay.

Just then, someone began to knock quietly on our door. The girls went completely quiet in utter terror.

The knocking grew louder and louder.

"Kyoya! Answer it!" Tamaki said. He was hiding behind Mori.

"Sorry, you're the king," Kyoya said simply.

Tamaki stamped his foot and went cautiously to the door.

Tamaki quietly opened the door open a crack. Suddenly a puppet of a cat was in Tamaki's face. The cat glared at him with small eyes. Tamaki shrieked and ran to Mori.

"MORI! MORI! ANSWER THE DOOR!" He nimbly managed to climb up Mori. Tamaki hugged me close to his chest and said, "HARUHI! IT'S BEELZENEF! He's coming to haunt me! Haru! DO SOMETHING! Waaahaaa!" I could feel Tamaki's warm tears splashing down my neck.

What a baby.

The door cracked open some more… and there stood Nekozawa, president of the Dark Magic Club.

"Nekozawa has come…! Mwahahaha…!" Nekozawa said in his strange voice. A long grin slithered across his face.

Tamaki shrieked in my ear and squeezed me tighter. Darn him, I could barely breathe with him squeezing me like a stuffed animal. I tried pushing Tamaki away but he cried even harder. "Haru, don't you like your daddy?!"

Nekozawa entered into the room, carrying candles. A small little parade came in also. Each with pitch black robes and mysterious grins on their faces.

There was nothing scary about Nekozawa, right? He was just a blonde dude who was scared of the light. In fact, we helped Nekozawa withstand the flashlight once. But he had gone back to his evil deeds in his lair.

Nekozawa said quietly, "We have brought a present for the twins…! We heard it was their birthday."

Beelzenef dug around in Nekozawa's cloak. There was an awkward silence as Beelzenef kept digging around. Nekozawa's smile left. "Hang on… I know I have it somewhere around here…"

A skull clattered to the floor.

Everyone shriek in horror. Tamaki grabbed me again and shrieked into my ear. One of these days I was going to go deaf and it was going to be Tamaki's fault…

"Oops. That's not the gift. That skull is my great great great grandfather's daughter's skull…" Nekozawa said carelessly. He continued to fish around in his robe.

There was a bit of a tension between the Host Club and the Dark Magic Club.

Nekozawa grinned and Beelzenef pulled out a cylinder shaped something. Nekozawa inched to the twins and handed the gift to them. "Happy birthday…!"

"DON'T TOUCH IT!" Tamaki shouted to the twins.

The twins looked up at Tamaki in confusion.

Tamaki snapped his finger, "Mori! Investigate!"

Mori walked over to the strange gift, with us still on his shoulder and Hunny clinging onto his back.

Mori grabbed the package and ripped off the wrapping paper.

"No…!" Nekozawa protested. "The birthday boy was supposed to open the gift…!"

Kaoru shrugged and said, "Yeah well… there are two birthday boys and one gift, so it really wouldn't have worked out great anyway, Nekozawa."

Mori sniffed the cylinder. "Coffee," His voice boomed. "Brand name: Nekomocha…"

Tamaki snapped his finger again. "Kyoya!"

"On my way…" Kyoya opened up a phone that lit up the room. He began to punch buttons onto the phone. Then he cleared his voice and said, "Nekomocha is made by the Nekozawa family. This coffee is extremely rare and expensive. A single ounce could cost up to $35.00. The Nekomacho business has been around for a hundred years."

"Hmm… I wonder why I haven't heard of the brand…" Tamaki said thoughtfully.

Kyoya's eyes winded a little. "Interesting…"

No one really paid attention to what Kyoya found interesting. They were more interested in the coffee.

"This is a very special brand…!" Nekozawa said. "Please don't go sharing it around…! I got it just for you two…!"

Nekozawa and his clan quietly retreated out the door while everyone's attention was on the coffee. "Mwahahaha…!" Was the last thing we heard.

The room became lighter again, the curtains opened up once more, and the room resumed its rosy feel and smell.

"Yeegad!" Tamaki squealed. "They left the skull!" he pointed to the skull on the floor.

Kyoya calmly picked up the skull and said pushing up his glasses, "I'll go take it back to Nekozawa."

Tamaki relaxed a little.

* * *

"There's so much cake!" Hunny said gleefully.

The Host Club closed early so that way the members could celebrate the twin's birthday together. Earlier we had, had a birthday party celebration with the club, now it was time for the members to celebrate together.

"Hunny… You already had lots of cake…" I pointed out.

But it was too late; Hunny's face was buried in a chocolate cake with elegant frosting piled onto it.

"Haruhi," Hikaru said a little flirtatiously. "Want some coffee?" Kaoru finished.

I shook my head. "No, thanks. Nekozawa said it was special coffee. Besides, I… I only like 'commoner's' coffee."

Tamaki burst into tears. "Haruhi! I never thought you might have wanted rich coffee! Next time we meet, I will bring you the most expensive rich coffee in the world!"

He ran over to me and began to cry all over me. "I said I didn't really like rich coffee…!" I sighed, trying to push Tamaki away.

Then Tamaki went into his shocked mode and wept, "You don't like me?!"

"What the heck?! I never said that!" I said angrily. This boy was so random!

Tamaki wiped away his tears and said, "You said you didn't like rich coffee…"

"So?"

Tamaki ran his fingers through his hair and was back to his usual self. "But my dear… I _am_ rich coffee…" he held my face gently with both his hands and said elegantly, "Don't you want to drink me, Haru-dear…?"

"Don't be disgusting…" I moaned.

Tamaki blinked and then burst into tears again. "HARU SAID I WAS DISGUSTING! W-W-WAAAA!" Hunny came up to Tamaki and patted him and tried giving him Bun-Bun. "There there, Tama-chan! She didn't mean it!"

I turned away to them. What an unbelievable freak…

Kaoru held up a coffee mug and said, "Look, Haru! I've got a mug!"

"Congratulations…?" What was so exciting about mug? You could buy a mug at any local store—ah… he was proud of his mug because it was a 'poor man's' thing.

"Darn these rich people," I muttered quietly to myself.

Hikaru likewise held up a mug. The twins giggled and then clacked the mugs together.

After singing happy birthday, everyone was given a slice of cake—except for Hunny, who had another full cake at his place.

Then I noticed something odd. Wasn't Hikaru's mug pink and Kaoru's blue? Why did Hikaru have Kaoru's mug and Kaoru Hikaru's mug?

"Ummm," I said. "Hikaru, do you know that you have Kaoru's mug?"

Hikaru blinked and looked at his mug. "Oops," he said carelessly.

He and Kaoru switched mugs and resumed eating cake.

"This is good coffee," Kaoru pointed out.

Hikaru nodded in agreement.

All the sudden both the twins paused for a few seconds. Hikaru had his fork half way to his mouth and Kaoru had his mug close to his mouth.

Everyone was silent.

Then the twins blinked and Hikaru said, "Hikaru…?"

They looked at each other and poked each other's face. "Oh… that stinks… I've got a pimple," Kaoru said, pointing at Hikaru's forehead.

What was going on? Great, this was one of their little jokes again.

"Kaoru… what are you doing in my body?" Kaoru asked Hikaru.

Hikaru looked annoyed and said, "I wasn't doing anything, Hikaru. I was eating my cake and drinking my coffee…!"

"Which one's which?!" Hunny asked, spewing crumbs from his mouth.

Hikaru pointed to himself and said, "I'm Kaoru."

"I'm Hikaru," Kaoru said pointing to himself.

"Guys enough joking around," I said flatly.

Both Hikaru and Kaoru looked offended and both snapped, "We're not playing around!"

"May I say…" Kyoya said calmly. Suddenly, Kyoya and Hunny blinked and then went quiet.

Kaoru looked down at himself and then burst out, "Look at me, Haru-chan! I'm Kaoru!"

I raised my eyebrow. "Kaoru? You're back to being Kaoru?"

Kyoya ran his hands all over his body and said, "What the heck am I doing in Kyoya's body?"

Hikaru was quiet.

Mori waved his hand in front of Hunny, who was likewise quiet.

"Stop that, Mori," Hunny snapped angrily. "Why do I have to be in Hunny's body?! I wish I was where Kaoru was! Not fair, Kaoru!" Hunny shot Kyoya an angry look.

I gave Tamaki a strange look. "They can't all be hoaxing us…"

Hikaru tried pushing up his glasses, but there were no glasses on his face. "I didn't expect _this_ to happen…"

Tamaki snapped his finger. "Kyoya, explain."

Kyoya said, "Well—" but Hikaru broke in and said, "If you don't mind, Kaoru…" He turned to Tamaki. "The Nekomocha coffee was originally made for a curse. The two people who drank the coffee would switch bodies. And occasionally they would switch with other people. I would not be surprised if Nekozawa pulled a prank, knowing full well of its side effects."

Tamaki snapped, "And why didn't you tell us earlier, Hikaru? I mean—Kyoya."

"Haru-chan! Want some cake?!" Kaoru asked me. He wrapped his arms around my neck and squealing.

Tamaki gasped and pulled Kaoru away from me. "How dare you touch Haruhi!"

Kaoru's eyes began to water and he rushed to Mori. "Mori-chan!" He wailed.

Tamaki grabbed my hands and said, "Haruhi dear… are you okay? You're not overwhelmed are you?"

I pushed Tamaki away. "Please don't be weird…"

Hunny was sulking. "Oh my gosh… I look hideous…"

Hikaru walked over to Kyoya and plucked the glasses of his face. "Sorry, Kaoru," Hikaru said. "I need the glasses."

Kyoya tried madly to grab them. "Hey!" He said angrily. "I need those glasses! Kyoya! Without them I can't see properly! You can already see just fine as me!"

Hikaru coldly pushed up the glasses up his nose. "I feel more comfortable wearing them. Besides, you got us into this trouble. Think of it as your punishment."

"So… is there any cure to this?" I asked hopefully. This was starting to get confusing.

Kyoya began to sob a little. "I can't see…!"

Hunny went over to where Kyoya was sitting. "Hush, brother! Don't cry!" Hunny wiped away Kyoya's tears.

"Hikaru," Hikaru said dangerously. "Don't touch my face like that. It's revolting."

Hunny stopped and snapped, "You'd better find a way to save us…!"

All the sudden Tamaki jumped and said, "Oh no…!" he began to shake his head wildly. "Oh no oh noo oh nooo!"

I tried calming Tamaki down. "What is it, Tamaki-senpai?"

Tamaki buried his face in his hands. "What if… my body is switched?"

"We'll find a way to restore it," I said trying to be comforting.

Tamaki grabbed my shoulders and shouted, "It's not like that, Haruhi! You don't understand! If we don't get this curse lifted and I'm in someone else's body….! MY FANS WON'T UNDERSTAND!"

"And that's how you're wired…" I sighed.

Tamaki began to exuberantly flail his arms around and began to weep.

"Now let's not get ahead of ourselves," Hikaru said patiently.

Hunny jutted his chin out and said, "You were the one who underestimated this curse, Kyoya."

Kaoru sniffled and climbed down from Mori. "Where's Bun-Bun…?"

Hunny tossed Kaoru his Bun-Bun carelessly. "Okay, we need to find a way to lift this curse…" Kyoya rubbed his chin and said, "And possible put the curse of Nekozawa."

Hikaru pushed up his glasses and said, "Now you're starting to sound like me. But if we stay like this… imagine how many more costumers we'll get."

"What do you mean, Kyoya-Senpai?" I asked. I was starting to understand everyone now. All I wish was that no one else would change.

"Simple, Haruhi," Hikaru said calmly. "If we stayed like this, we'd get more costumers. Everyone would think it absolutely adorable if we were all act like each other. They'd think we were all having fun. Not to mention, they'd think we were wonderful actors."

I blinked. "You and your money, Kyoya…"

Hikaru gave me a devilish grin. "We'll cut your debut off to a little."

"Well… I guess one day couldn't hurt. Besides… I'm not in someone else's body," I muttered quietly.

"Haru!" Wailed Tamaki. "You can't let Kyoya do this!"

Hunny rubbed his chin. "Actually. This _could_ be a lot of fun…"

Kyoya gave Hunny a mischievous look. "Kyoya's right… I think I'm going to enjoy this…"

* * *

"Oh, Tamaki…." The costumer said. She looked up into Tamaki's eyes and held his hand. "Umm… What's up with the other host members…?

Tamaki blink. "Well, my dear… they are all acting differently…"

"Why aren't you?" Giggle the costumer.

Tamaki ran his hand through his hair gazed deeply into her eyes. "But I am acting differently…" He said dramatically. "You're making me crazy…!"

"Ohhh, Tamaki!" Squealed the costumer.

I rolled my eyes and turned my attention on the twins.

"Kaoru! You are so sweet!" Squealed one of the girls.

"Really?!" Kaoru said. His face seemed to glow with joy. "Haru-chan! She says I'm so sweet!"

"Are those glasses new?" One of the girls said. She poked at Hikaru's glasses.

Hikaru backed away a little and said, "Yes they are. Please don't smudge them."

A sharp squeal drew me to where Kyoya was. Kyoya was close to a girl and holding her hands. "I love you… but… I love Hikaru more…"

The girl was scarlet red and she giggled, "But Kaoru likes Hikaru!"

I turned to see Hikaru's expression. He was glaring daggers at Kyoya. Kyoya looked up at Hikaru and gave him the victory sign.

Hikaru mouthed the word, _you prat. Kaoru, I'm Kyoya!_

Kyoya seemed fully aware of that. He just wanted to annoy Hikaru.

"Kyoya, why aren't you wearing glasses?" She asked, poking Kyoya's forehead.

Kyoya pointed to his eye and said, "I'm wearing contacts today."

"They're acting so different! I love it!" Commented one of the girls to me.

I gave a weak smile and said, "Yeah… well tomorrow hopefully they'll be back to normal…!"

The door burst open and one of our main costumers was followed by a bunch of other girls.

"I brought my girlfriends so they could enjoy the host club's strange members!" She shouted.

Tamaki looked overwhelmed. The girl he was flirting with stood up and said, "Tamaki, I _must_ go see the other host members!"

"But…! But…!" He whimpered.

The host was all the sudden full with girls throughout the school.

Our business had never been this good. I guess Kyoya was right.

"Hunny's personality is amazing! How are you able to do it?!" Shrieked one of the girls.

Hunny leaned against the wall, his arms crossed. "It's easy, sweetheart. Do you like me with pink hair?"

"_I love it!_"

"Mori, don't stand so close to me. You're shadowing me," Hunny said, shooing away Mori.

One of the girls put her hand over her mouth and gasped, "Hunny-senpai is doing his monster personality!"

"Eeeek! Soooo cute! I… I think I'm gonna…swooonn…" One of the girls said. She fell to the floor a happy smile on her face.

I sighed and tried not to roll my eyes.

"Haru-chan! Can you pretend to be someone else?" As one girl to me.

I laughed and said, "Nah, I'm not that great of an actor. Besides, I think I'd rather act like you than one of the host members."

The girl went red and sighed. "You're so dreamy, Haruhi!"

I put on a fake smile and said, "I'm glad you think so."

Hikaru walked over to me and said to the girl, "Excuse me, Madame, may I take Haruhi aside?"

The girl looked at Hikaru and asked expectantly, "Do you like Haruhi?"

Hikaru blinked and said, "Not really."

"Then you like Kaoru!" The girl squealed. She jumped up and down with excitement.

Hikaru glared frostily at Kyoya and said, "At the moment, I'm not really fond of Kaoru."

The costumer stopped jumping and then looked horrified at Hikaru. "Then… you really are in love with Kyoya?!"

"I'm _not_ in love with anyone," Snapped Hikaru.

The girl backed away a little a shocked expression on her face.

Hikaru sighed and pushed up his glasses. "Come along, Haruhi."

I followed Hikaru out of the music room.

"Did you have something important to say?" I asked curiously.

Hikaru nodded. "It's been about twenty four hours since we all switched body's right?"

I thought about it. Yeah, it sounded about right. "I think so, but I don't really know."

Hikaru bobbed his head up and down and said, "That's what I thought too. Which means that any moment we will—" Hikaru went silent.

"Um… Hikaru?" I waved my hand in front of Hikaru's face.

"What the heck?" He took off his glasses. "Why am I holding Kyoya's glasses?"

Ah. They were back in their own bodies. I didn't want to know what was happening on the other side of the door…

"Oh, Haruhi. I thought I was talking to my costumer… How'd I warp here?" Hikaru said, more to himself than to me.

He opened the door, but I tried stopping him. "Wait! Hikaru! Not yet! There's probably chaos in the music room!" I said.

Hikaru hummed and said thoughtfully, "That is true. Maybe we should leave them."

I had to agree. "That's probably wise. How about we come back in an hour?"

Hikaru thought about it and said, "The host club will be closed in thirty minutes. We could probably come back in twenty five minutes, that way nobody gets worried."

"Think anyone will miss us?" I asked.

Hikaru chuckled and said, "Ha, I highly doubt it. With the chaos going on in the other room, no one will know we're gone."

"I guess we could go out for ice cream or something…" I said quietly.

"Great! You can buy it for the birthday boy!" Hikaru said grinning from ear to ear.

I jumped and snapped, "What? Your birthday was yesterday!"

Hikaru laughed and said, "Nooope! It's today. Yesterday was April first! Haru-dear… we even tricked Kyoya in thinking our birthday was yesterday."

"But… it was on your school profile…!" I said trying to be logical.

Hikaru shrugged. "Pfffft! Kaoru and I don't care. Let's go get some ice cream."

I sighed in frustration.

Hikaru was definitely back to being Hikaru.

_THE END!_

* * *

End Note: What happened to the Host Club within the thirty minutes of chaos? I'd think it was probably something like this:

Kyoya running around half blind (Kaoru still had Kyoya's glasses), trying to kill Kaoru, while trying get the hyper girls away from killing him.

Kaoru trying to avoid Kyoya while flirting and stirring up all the girls.

Hunny eating cake while trying to search for Bun-Bun (He took Bun-Bun home to Kaoru's home and had to leave him behind (Kyoya's orders)).

Tamaki freaking out because he can't find Haruhi, (He suspects Hikaru stole her away!) while trying to calm all the sad fan girls (the girls were upset that everyone was acting normal).

And Mori… being Mori.

As for Haruhi, when she got back, she was strongly lectured by Tamaki and was totally soggy from Tamaki crying all over her.

As for Kaoru, he was punished for taking Haruhi to the ice cream parlor without Tamaki's permission also for making Haruhi pay for the ice cream. His punishment was paying Haruhi ten times the amount for both the ice creams and he had to stay behind in the Host Club and clean up.


End file.
